The Barbarian

By Judith E French
Read: February 2010
Rating: A bit muddled

I bought this book because, well, it’s called The Barbarian and it has a laughably swoony cover. I mean, c’mon, what’s more classically romance novel than a dude’s face all up close and personal while he gaze intensely at you, all the while holding his very phallic sword? Ok, I know, clinch poses are more classic. But this is close, dammit.

We have here another case of Really Shoddy Cover Copy. There’s absolutely nothing on this book to suggest that it is actually a historical epic.

Surrounded by the exotic luxuries of ancient Alexandria, courted by the world’s most powerful men, Roxanne was a woman of privilege–and one with no memory of her past. Flashes of reflection bewilder her: images of a man as golden as any god, of a tiny baby torn too soon from her loving arms.

Then one starless night a stranger entered her silken chamber, startling her with his dark savagerly, seducing her with his sensual mastery. Did he hold the key to the mysteries that plagued her? His tale of empires won and lost, of passion and betrayal, seemed too fantastic to be true, but her hear told her one thing was as certain as the rising of the sun: She had once goven all her love to this daring warrior, had pledged her hand and her honor to… The Barbarian.

First, that’s a TERRIBLE opening sentence/paragraph. Second, this thing is cheesy as hell. I admit, that’s why I bought it.

This copy conjures up a pretty standard romance scenario. Wealthy woman at the top of the social pyramid (harr, it’s in Egypt, too!) also has amnesia. One night a gorgeous stranger invades her space to convince her of the love she has forgotten. Apparently he’s quite a storyteller.

Um, no.

Let me give you all the background info I didn’t get. This book is the sequel to The Conqueror, which is about Alexander the Great and his lady love. Who was that? Why, Roxanne! But Alex is dead, and Roxanne and their son are everyone’s new favorite target. The book actually begins with Roxanne narrowly escaping an assassination attempt because the doctor smuggled her out. Whatever he used, it’s a more potent version than the one Juliette took–not only did Roxanne appear to be dead, she’s also lost all her memories of her past.

She wakes up in Alexandria, the personal guest of Pharoah Ptolemy, one of Alexander’s Companions and half-brother. Ptolemy takes advantage of Roxanne’s memory loss to invent a new persona for her. She is Mayet, an Egyptian who was married to a dear friend of his. A friend who, like their son, is now dead. Loving friend that he is, Ptolemy insists Mayet stay with him until she is well… and on and on… while he becomes her friend and seduces her. Yes, Ptolemy wants to bang his dead half-brother’s wife. It’s a jealousy thing, I think.

Meanwhile, in Sogdiana/Bactria, Kayan the Barbarian (RAAAAAAAARR!) has received word that his bosom friend Roxanne is dead. Wait, no she’s not! She’s been spotted in Egypt! Well, hang the Greeks trying to overrun his country, he must go rescue her! She’s actually the princess of Sogdiana and Bactria. Kayan has been adopted by her father and is the current heir. He decides to take his two adopted sons to Egypt with him. Nothing like bringing two kids on a suicide mission.

Roxanne has become rather comfortable in Egypt. She and Ptolemy are banging like bunnies for a good few months. And he’s starting to talk about marrying her. His two wives do not like this idea, for obvious reasons. Roxanne isn’t agreeing yet because, well, she knows that being queen means being trapped. But the more she resists, the more it becomes clear that Ptolemy has no intention of allowing her to say no. Then his wives start trying to kill her. Ancient Egypt was a LOVELY place!

When Kayan arrives in Egypt he recognizes Roxanne the Consort, though she does not recognize him or anyone in his official delegation. This pisses him off. He’s also pissed off that she’s screwing Ptolemy. She senses his pissed off vibe and decides she doesn’t like him. Yay, misunderstandings!

Anyway, things start to move more quickly at this point. The Bactrians are preparing to move. Roxanne’s life is in danger. She decides she’d rather take a risk on freedom and flees Alexandria with them. The second half of the book is them trying to escape Egypt before Ptolemy catches them.

Have you ever seen a romance where the primary hero and heroine don’t actually spend serious time together until halfway through? Cuz I hadn’t. I also hadn’t ever read a book that is part of a series where the heroine goes from man to man between books. I ALSO hadn’t read a book where the heroine is quite so gleefully involved with Mr. Wrong before siding with Mr. Right. I read somewhere that heroines should never have on-camera sex with anyone who is not hero, because it screws with the reader’s view of her and the seriousness of the true relationship. I have to say that this is true.

Course, Roxanne is feeling that way, too. She’s no fool–she’s aware, as her memory comes back, that she has been in varying degrees of love with three men. Alexander, who she learned to love. Ptolemy, who she considered marrying. And… Kayan, who she grew up beside and was betrothed to until Alexander came marching through and demanded a bride. To her credit, she refuses to just leap trustingly into Kayan’s arms–she doesn’t know who she is and she doesn’t trust herself to make that sort of decision until she does. Point to Roxanne the Wanton.

Like I said, the story is on the scale of an epic. Take a second look at that back cover copy. You read ‘epic’ in there anywhere? You see anything that suggests we’re dealing Alexander and a Pharoah? Nooooo. And that image of Roxanne as pampered aristocrat? Bullshit. She’s a warrior raised in a warfareing nation; she used to camp under the stars and hunt for her own food.

I’m not really pissed about any of this, just mildly annoyed. I would have been set up to like this book a LOT more if I’d been told what I was getting. I would have been excited. Instead, I was tossed into godonlyknewwhere and had to try to work out when and where I was with only vague clues. The heroine had amnesia, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be allowed to orient myself. I didn’t read the first book, throw me a bone.

It could definitely have stood some improvement. It didn’t feel as rich as it could have. But, whatevs.

I did like this little bit of, well, magic. Alexander the Great is dead. …Alexander the Great is taunting his half-brother by talking to him inside his head. Basically, You’re an idiot if you think she’s not going to fight you on this. Idiot. Ptolemy thinks he’s going mad, of course, but it becomes clear that Alexander really is sticking his nose in. I like this because it plays to the idea that the Greek Gods would grant divinity to special mortals… and their half-mortal children.

Lets end this with a hearty, “Kayan the Barbarian! RAAAAAR!”