Once upon a time, I discovered a wonderful, wonderful book. Gail Carson Levine’s Ella Enchanted is immerses you in Ella’s world, giving you a best friend as well as an adventure.
Then Hollywood got their hands on it. And THEY RAPED IT.
Below is an off-the-cuff rant I wrote in 2004, before the movie was even released. [...]

By Barbara G. Walker
Not Read: Feb 2010
Rating: *zones out*
I’m trying to be good, really I am. But 50 pages out of 170 isn’t such a bad run…
The book is awkward and boring and it reads like what it is–a work of fiction by a feminist scholar that has been described (by The Northwest Gay and [...]

By Jude Deveraux
Attempted to Read: January 2010
Rating: AUGH
Wot the shit is this?! Today, RB stands for RIDICULOUSLY BAD.
Hey Jude don’t make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under your skin
Then you’ll begin to make it better
Better, better, better, better, better, Yeah,Yeah,YeahNa Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na [...]

By Emily Bronte
Read: March 2009
Rating: Poison
I give up. I quit. I want nothing more to do with this torturous mess. I decided it was time to try Wuthering Heights because my TiVo had picked up a documentary on the Bronte sisters, which was of course full of people who think they’re the most brilliant [...]

By George W. M. Reynolds
Attempted Read: Feb 2009
Rating: Goddamn.
Just… goddamn.  I saw this at Strand Books and spent MONTHS hemming and hawing over whether or not I should put my money toward it.
Pro: It’s a book from the 1800s about a werewolf in the 1500s. HOT DAMN it’s historical fiction^2 with a shot of supernatural!
Con: [...]

by Kobo Abe
Read: May/June 2008
Rating: UGH
This was recommended to me for my senior capstone project. I dutifully made it to the end, but gawd was it painful. Exemplifies all that I hate in a certain kind of writing, usually seen in short stories. Only this was longer. Unjustifiably so, in my opinion.
Junpei (sadly, not the [...]

By Philip Pullman
Read: August 2008
Rating: Disappointing
Gentle readers, it is a sad day for my bookshelf. I am usually very good about finishing the books I pick up, I hate stopping partway, unless they’re really trash. Even when something becomes mediocre, I see it through, if only to see how bad it gets. I got 2/3 [...]

by Melody Thomas
Guest Review by Sreya
Read Shen’s review here.
For the time being (the duration of this review) I’ll be taking over for Shen — no rotten tomatoes, please! — and I’ll be reviewing a novel that she lent me. She reviewed it herself, so I guess this is simultaneous.
Shen and I both love to [...]

By Jenyne M Raines
Read: May 2008
Rating: Appalling.
Somehow this book wound up in the teen section of the public library. Keep it away from your impressionable young women.
The advice is not black-specific, it’s very general and you could find most of it in a myriad of similar titles. The most ‘black’ thing about it is the [...]

By Alexandra Sellers
Read: November 2006
Rating: BLECH.
(This one has some bad language. Sorry.)
Remember that school project about Christian Romance Novels? Well, I got an A on it. But my punishment was having to read this garbage.
I’m not a stranger to fantasies that involve the dangerous, the forbidden, submission, and the otherwise impossible. Hell, that’s what [...]

By Lynn A. Coleman & Rachel Hauck
Available most cheaply @Heartsong Presents
Read: November 2006
Rating: WEAK.
Welcome to another edition of “I had to read it for school!” Tonight we delve into the perplexing realm of “Inspirational” (ie, Christian) romance novels. Yes, it’s true–religious fundamentalists are now publishing whole lines of romance novels featuring a menage a trois [...]

By Indu Sundaresan
Read: August 2006
Rating: Lackluster.
I love historical fiction. I love romance. And I love Philippa Gregory, despite not always liking what her characters do. So I should be able to get through a book like this, right? I’m still barely a quarter of the way through, and I’m putting it down. I [...]

By Terry Goodkind
Darest thou to try for it @Amazon.com?
Rating: CEE-RAP.
Read: Yonk ago, during high school.
This is the worst first novel attempt I have ever had the misfortune of trying to read. No, seriously. Terry Goodkind gets his name up all over the place but I don’t care. I have a serious aversion to him after [...]

By Jack Kerouac
I’m not going to tempt you with a link. It’s too awful.

Rating: ERLACK.
Read: March 2006
It’s not really true to say that I’ve read this… I stopped after 40-some pages because it was just too awful. It’s Fitzgeraldian–and that is not a compliment when coming from me.

Here’s something new. I had to read these for class. I hated both. So you’re going to get DOUBLE the fun in one review! Yay!
The Trial
Franz Kafka

Get it if you dare @Amazon.com
Rating: Ugh
Read: Feb 2006
I am now quite certain Kafka was on snuff. Or something.
You know those dreams where you’re doing something, and you know [...]

By Candace Bushnell

Cheaper than the DVDs: Amazon.com
Rating: Typical
Read: July 2005
I adore the show to BITS. But, I read Bushnell’s 4 Blondes perhaps two years ago and was thoroughly unimpressed. She’s the Fitzgerald of her generation in that she writes about the American ‘aristocracy’, which is a thoroughly jaded, degernate, and utterly BORING set of people. [...]

By William Gibson
Don’t send the nanotech after me! Amazon.com
Rating: Evasive.
Read: Freshman year (00-01), reread march 05

There are two people who may be upset that I did not enjoy Idoru, but I’m afraid I have to be honest. I found Idoru to be scatter-brained and evasive. I’ve never been a fan of books that follow two [...]

By Albert Camus
Rating: Poor.
Read: March 2004
Category-ReqSchool Category-Ugh
For Rebellion & Conformity, or whatever it is we’re studying right now, we’re reading The Stranger. We’re maybe two chapters from the end, and I am not moved.
Meursault is the most apathetic character I have ever read about. This makes him boring. He doesn’t care what happens to him; [...]

By Robert Cormier
Rating: Traumatic.
Read: 7th grade, 1998-99
I was assigned to read The Bumblebee Flies Anyway for class in 7th grade. And I have loathed it ever since. As I am now in college, it is difficult for me to remember specific details, but I will try to define why Barney and I never got along.
There [...]

By Sharon Shinn (WHY, Sharon, WHY!?)
Rating: Poor.
Read: 2003/2004ish
I had high expectations for Shape Changer’s Wife, since I began with Shinn’s Castle Auburn and the Archangel/Samaria series- all of which are stellar.
Unfortunately, SCW fell very, very short of what I had hoped for. There simply is not enough action to justify 200+ pages- it felt like [...]

By F. Scott Fitzgerald
Rating: One big fat middle finger up Fitzgerald’s arsehole.
Read: Over the summer between my freshman and sophomore years, 2001.
Frankly, the most self-indulgent piece of tripe I’ve ever been forced to read. It was a summer reading assignment, and one of two terrible books I brought on a visit to my grandmother’s. I [...]